More on SC's fake conservation group

Gervais decided to delve a little deeper into South Carolina’s first bogus conservation group, “Citizens for Sound Conservation,” this weekend.

I figured the best way to learn about the group, and perhaps win its endorsement in my upcoming general election contest (Chesterburg Co.) was to fill out their “candidate questionnaire.” (pdf).

It consisted of 13 yes/no questions and one essay question:

1. Do you support the use of incentives over government regulations when it comes to balancing growth with environmental protection?

Yes, incentives are better. I think a good incentive would be, “If you dump this here, we’ll fine you thousands of dollars or take away your permit.” Wait, that’s a regulation. But, in the interest of getting this endorsement, I’ll stick with “yes.”

2. Do you believe environmental goals can be met via market driven reforms rather than government mandates?

The free market has done wonders for the environment (that’s why there’s no pollution!) so let’s give it a whirl.

3. Generally speaking, do you believe the business community is doing a good job in advancing environmental protection initiatives?

Most business leaders want to take care of the environment, either because of common sense or because they realize South Carolina’s natural beauty is one of its biggest selling points. In fact, there's only one anti-conservation website in the whole state.

4. Recent studies indicate that the average consumer may pay $100 or more on their monthly electric bill if utilities are required to include renewable energy options. Do you support renewable energy mandates even if consumers are forced to pay more?

My last electric bill was $131, so it sounds like my costs would go down in this hypothetical situation. But thanks for looking out for the consumer, Ralph Nader.

5. Do you support efforts to place a moratorium on the construction of coal plants for energy production?

No. I support a "less-atorium," a word I just made up to hide the fact that I don’t know what “moratorium” means.

6. Do you support South Carolina based offshore exploration for natural gas?

Only as opposed to on-shore exploration.

7. Do you support the renewed focus towards nuclear energy?

I support nuclear energy if it powers my laptop. But the focus should probably be on renewable energy.

8. Do you believe the State Ports Authority, through its permitting and voluntary efforts with DHEC, is taking appropriate management actions to ensure cleaner air and water is achieved with port expansion?

I have reason to doubt “port expansion” can achieve cleaner air and water. But if it can, let’s make the whole coast a port.

9. With regard to conservation and the economy, do you believe that sound, proven science should be the predominant factor in drafting regulations for a statewide water plan?

If “sound science” is anything like “sound conservation,” I’ll say no.

10. Do you support imposing impact fees on home buyers to pay for government services associated with new residential development?

Maybe I just fell off the turnip truck, but I thought impact fees are imposed on developers, not “home buyers.” And of course the developers should have to pay for government services for new developments.

11. Do you support establishing regional planning bodies with land use and planning authority over and above those powers already exercised by county and municipal governments?

I don’t know. Municipalities and counties are already expensive enough for developers to co-opt, so I think another layer of authority to purchase might make development cost-preclusive.

12. Do you believe that property owners should be compensated as a result of land use regulations or ordinances that devalue their property (also known as “regulatory takings” or “just compensation”)?

I think there are better ways to cripple a community's ability to plan land use.

13. Regarding energy policy, do you support the philosophy of some environmental groups who believe that limiting supply and increasing cost is the best approach to energy conservation?

Personally, I’m sick of these environmentalists nagging me to turn off the bathroom light. What if I’m going right back in there? Okay, so I’m not. I’m sorry. Yes, we can watch Desperate Housewives.

14. What do you believe is the most important environmental issue facing our state and what is your approach to solving that issue?

Conservation, by conserving land and water.

Gervais says, I’m pretty sure I’ve got this endorsement locked up.