Sanford hires publicity stuntman

Below: Publicity stuntman Earl Baggs
practices for Sanford’s next publicity stunt
Look-alike to perform future gubernatorial publicity stunts

B & P News - Columbia

The Governor’s Office announced Friday that Mark Sanford, weary of performing his own publicity stunts, has hired a publicity stuntman to cover the remainder of his attention-grabbing gimmicks. The stuntman, Arkansas native Earl Baggs, was selected from a pool of dozens of candidates based on his resemblance to the Governor and willingness to work with livestock.

“Earl’s a dead ringer for Mark, and he showed us during stunt tryouts that he could take a fall into furniture,” said Sanford spokesman Joel Sawyer. “You never know when that’ll come in handy in this administration.”

Baggs was also raised on a swine farm, Sawyer said, which gave him a leg up on the competition and could be helpful in Sanford’s next planned publicity stunt – riding a horse-drawn carriage into a bank vault while carrying two squealing, defecating pigs.

The stunt, which symbolizes Sanford’s efforts to "reign in barrels of budgetary restructuring," has been preemptively dubbed “the mother of all Sanford publicity stunts” by some political analysts.

“A bank vault. That’s pretty original,” said USC political science professor Hugh Ganott, stifling a yawn. “Anybody know how the NCAA tournament is going?”

Baggs says he is impressed that Sanford has done his own publicity stunts for so long, but he is eager ratchet up the level of danger to perform stunts Sanford has previously been too cautious to perform.

“I want to swim with the sharks at the state aquarium to take a bite out of frivolous spending on mental health, higher education, and the Special Olympics,” said Baggs. “That’s something he confided in me, that he’s terrified of sharks. Sharks and doctors.”

Sanford, for his part, has mixed emotions about relinquishing his starring role in the attention-grabbers that, along with rampant unemployment, have defined him as a politician.

“From joining the Air Force Reserves four years ago to badmouthing our schools with John [Stossel] four months ago, it’s been one wacky publicity stunt after another,” said Sanford in an emotional interview. “While I’m sad to let it go, I’m glad I found a good publicity stuntman like Earl to fill my shoes.”