House allocates $12 million towards Bauer Expressway

‘Andrebahn’ construction could start in early 2007

B & P News - Columbia

After two and a half hours of floor debate, House members voted yesterday to finally set aside state funds for the long-discussed infrastructure project known as the Bauer Expressway, or ‘Andrebahn.’

“I know it seems like a waste of money at first, an entire $12 million highway system for just one person,” said James Schweitzer, director of the state’s Department of Public Safety. “But believe me, the saved State Trooper manpower alone makes it worthwhile. The net savings is like $20 million.”

Experts agree the savings will offset the construction costs, but questioned whether funds should be used to man the expressway’s sole rest area with staffers who can change all four of the Lt. Governor’s tires in less than a minute. Several other issues also delayed passage of Andrebahn funding, including concerns over the speed limit on the new roadway.

“When I first read the proposed speed limit of 90 miles per hour, I was outraged,” said Speaker Bobby Harrell. “I thought it was way too slow. Luckily, [Rep.] Jim [Merrill] explained that 90 was the lower limit.”

The upper speed limit for the planned highway system is 140 mph, above which the Lt. Governor could face harsh punishment. According to sources, potential penalties include a “strong verbal admonition,” a “thorough mussing up of the hair,” and a “complementary cleaning of the piece in his glovebox.”

The Lieutenant Governor, for his part, seemed pleased with the development.

“I have a need,” Bauer said at a press conference from his office in Columbia, leaving reporters scratching their heads as he left his desk. Bauer continued his remarks at a Myrtle Beach press conference an hour later, drinking an ICEE purchased at a Hartsville convenience store. “A need for speed.”