Bauer wins Kentucky Derby

Lt. Governor clocked at 101 mph on backstretch

B&P News - Churchill Downs

Lieutenant Governor Andre Bauer of South Carolina stunned the not-really-sports world Saturday by winning the 134th Kentucky Derby at Churchill Downs.

The 38-year-old Bauer, previously unknown in the realm of thoroughbred racing, was clocked at speeds in excess of 101 mph, becoming the first rider in history to “lap” other participants during The Run for the Roses.

“There’s nothing quite like a horse race,” said Bauer in an interview after the race. “In some ways, a horse race could be a metaphor for a lot of things, but I doubt anyone would ever use it as such in a sentence.”

Despite being three feet taller and at least fifty pounds heavier than any other jockey in the field, Bauer was able to was able to lead his horse, SC2, to an unrelenting lead. Asked whether he intends on siring any other thoroughbreds with SC2, Bauer stated that he didn’t hear any sirens, but that he certainly would have stopped if he had.