Friday, January 06, 2006

The Sodfather II -- More Soil from Sanford

Below: A dirt bag.

I was heartened to see that Sanford used the term “soil conditions” -- not once, but twice -- in his new proposed executive budget.

The term "unemployment" was mentioned a few times too, primarily in the “we're 48th in the nation in an election year, so let’s move on to soil conditions” context.

I thought I’d share a list, compiled by my research assistant Gügel Von Brauser (exchange student), of some of the other times the Sodfather has evoked “soil conditions” over the past few years, while SC’s unemployment rate reached epic, embarrassing proportions.

APRIL 2002:
(Not yet Governor: 5.8 % unemployment, tied for 35th in nation)
"First education, then creating the soil conditions that are right for job growth and wealth creation, and that ties into tax and spending policies and regulatory functions. Those are the big two."

"Encouraging this type of capital investment is essential to our mission of creating more fertile economic soil conditions here in South Carolina."

"Our team is going to continue working on our economic soil conditions as a state so that local development folks will have some additional tools to use in attracting business."

"We must improve the underlying soil conditions for growing small businesses."

"Our administration is all about enhancing South Carolina's underlying business climate so that the soil conditions for economic growth are there."

MARCH 2005:
"At the end of the day, it’s government’s job to create rich soil conditions and a healthy climate for economic growth and then get out of the way so that small businesses can grow and thrive."

JULY 2005:
"I think the work this group does will go a long way toward keeping our state on the right track with respect to making sure we have fertile soil conditions for job creation and economic development."

"Encouraging new jobs in every corner of our state is central to our mission of creating more fertile economic soil conditions here in South Carolina."

"Ultimately, we want to accelerate the pace of that growth --and growth in all sectors of our state's economy --by continuing to improve the underlying soil conditions for business growth in our state."

"One of the hottest topics is the larger theme of economic development. ... I believe in preparing the soil conditions. And I think we took an important step toward getting soil conditions better in South Carolina."

(7.1% unemployment, 48th in nation)
"By cultivating the economic soil conditions in the state and focusing on the principles of sustainable economic development, we can show companies across the globe (including those already here) the benefits of locating and growing in South Carolina [...] Improving these underlying soil conditions will help South Carolina continue to grow in this globally competitive marketplace."

Soil conditions... Gervais isn't going to mince words here: Mark Sanford is the Blue Sky of bullshit. He smears murals out of the stuff, and would probably make an oversized fire hydrant out of it if you asked nicely. But after three years of gubernatorial pontification, our "soil conditions" are about as fertile as Bea Arthur's uterus.

Except Bea Arthur's uterus could probably secure an Airbus plant before we could.


Laurin Manning said...

phabulous photoshopping!

Anonymous said...

Didn't I see this type of stuff in the movie "Being There".

Chauncy Sanford??