TIME, Bureau of Labor Statistics are leftist left-wing liberals

By Mark Sanford
Guest Columnist
Much has been made of my recent designation in TIME magazine and the Bureau of Labor Statistics as one of the country’s worst governors. Well, here’s what I have to say about all this critical liberal gibberish: TIME magazine and the Bureau of Labor Statistics are leftist liberal left-wing organizations.

Liberal, leftist TIME says I’m the third most listless governor; the leftwing liberal Bureau of Labor Statistics claimed last month that South Carolina’s “unemployment rate” was fourth from the bottom, with only Alaska, Mississippi, and Louisiana laboring less.

Notice the latently liberal, left-wing, libelous, left-field spin on these things. TIME laments that even though my party’s in the legislative majority I haven’t been able to accomplish things because I lack some magical entity it labels “leadership.” Two words for the left-handed lamebrains at TIME: “Seatbelt Law.” Load that in your bong and smoke it, lefty.

The Bureau of Liberal Labor Statistics is equally leftacious, if not more left-leaning. Fourth from the bottom? I’m no mathematician, but the way I look at it, 6.6% unemployment is fourth from the top. But in crazy liberal left-wing Leftyland, top is bottom, up is down, and little is large.

My record lectures loudly for itself -- look at little businesses. A couple short years ago, it might be laborious for a small business owner looking for a landscaper. But lately, 1 in 15 South Carolinians would literally love to land such a job. Only three other governors have leveraged a log-jam of readily available labor that exceeds mine, and two of them had help from a liberal, left-wing hurricane. But you won’t learn about laudable things like that in Mother Jones – oops, I mean leftist TIME magazine – or liberal lefty MoveOn.Org – oops, I mean the Bureau of Left-wing Labor Statistics website.

Luckily, I believe my fellow 'Lappers see left-leaning liberal leftist left-wing leftist liberal propaganda for what it is: leftological wingy leftist Liberian liberal leftocracy.

Mr. Sanford is the Libertarian-leaning leader of the little state of South Carolina.