Monday, April 10, 2006

Sanford classifies state unemployment figures

Below: Sanford, with sealed unemployment numbers
Governor cites executive order, says leaks could be dangerous to state

B & P News - Columbia

Citing an obscure gubernatorial declaration known as Executive Order #48-2006, Governor Mark Sanford yesterday assigned a “confidential” status to all South Carolina unemployment figures.

“The Bureau of Labor Statistics is like the CIA of joblessness, and it’s important that we don’t let this sensitive, top secret information get into the wrong hands,” said the Governor in a press conference. “Specifically, the hands of national news magazines and impressionable registered voters.”

The Governor’s Office said too much dangerous intelligence has already been leaked to the press, such as the state’s recent 48th national unemployment ranking and 43rd national wage ranking. From now on, the office says it will process raw economic data into a more useable, less sensitive format for the general public.

“We’ve developed an Unemployment Alert System to help keep the public informed,” said spokesman Joel Sawyer. “For instance, right now we’re in the 0-20% band, or ‘okey-dokey’ region. That’s pretty much all you need to know.”

Officials agree that raw unemployment data could be dangerous if disseminated without first being vetted for top secret information. One top analyst believes unemployment and wage rate leaks compromise what is otherwise "one helluva economy."

“I work tirelessly to make sure people have jobs in this state,” said Board of Economic Advisors chairman John "Scooter" Rainey. “Right now, I’m focusing on one particular person’s job, and these unemployment rate leaks aren’t helping.”

Sources say the unemployment figures could be declassified by Sanford as early as this year, with dates such as June 14th and November 8th being considered.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

That woman standing by the governor, now look close, maybe from the left side of the computer screen.
I swear it looks like that woman is having a Janice Jackson moment.