Top 10 Sanford excuses for South Carolina’s second-worst-in-the-nation unemployment rate
10. Hit his head during bicycling accident, damaging the part of the brain that controls job creation.
9. It’s entirely possible that, on some level, he wanted to make younger brother Phil look like less of a failure in the eyes of their parents
8. (tie) Typographical error led administration to relentlessly pursue AirBust, whose Lee County inflatable bra factory employs a paltry seven workers.
8. (tie) Bureau of Labor Statistics counts some South Carolina jobs as "Georgia jobs," due to their location in Georgia and their workers, who are Georgians.
7. Felt obligated after high school class voted him 'Most Likely To Single-Handedly Cripple an Entire State’
6. All those unemployed people from out-of-state flocking to S.C. in search of greener pastures, you know, like in Marion County.
5. 49th ranking part of secret economic development plan to lure San Francisco-based football franchise to the state.
4. Trying to narrow SC's workforce down to a single employee, who will be named the next Apprentice.
3. Sanford thought Bob Faith was going to create the jobs, while he brought the dessert; Bob Faith thought Sanford was going to create the jobs while HE brought the dessert. You should have seen the look on their faces when they both showed up with the dessert. Priceless.
2. Swears he set his unemployment alarm for 6.9%, but it must not have gone off.
1. Recent release of Johnny Paycheck greatest hits album inspiring a disproportionate number of South Carolinians to "take this job and shove it."