Thursday, December 29, 2005

Political observers try to predict next Altman gaffe

Below: Altman, with new hat
Breast-feeding legislation seems likely source, agree experts

B & P News - Columbia

As the onset of the next legislative session nears, experts from around the state have been focusing their energy on predicting the next gaffe by Representative John Graham Altman (R-Charleston). Most observers agree that the next blunder will somehow pertain to the public breast-feeding bill.

“Oh, definitely, the breast-feeding bill – he’ll find a way to put the shoestore in his mouth with that one,” said USC political science professor Bobby Blugranitte. “I wouldn’t be surprised if the words ‘tig ol’ bitties’ find their way into the legislative record this session.”

Other political scientists from around the state agree that the debate over public breast-feeding legislation will be -- like the domestic violence hearings -- a fertile chance for an Altman faux pas.

“John Graham will definitely oblige us with an off-color comment,” said Hoyt Butter, political scientist at Furman University. “I could see him referring a question to ‘Representative Emerson,’ and then when asked ‘Who’s that?’ saying, ‘Emerson big boobies, lady,’ or something to that effect.”

Still, the exact nature of the next Altman gaffe remains uncertain, even to the most astute political spectators.

“My initial instinct was that Altman would reference the widespread 'Got Milk?' ads, but then I realized that may be too subtle,” said Francis Marion University’s Pete E. Rivers. “I wouldn’t be surprised if he tries to refer the bill to the ‘Titty Committee’, a play on the grammar school classic ‘Itty-bitty Titty Committee.’”

Rep. Altman was unavailable for comment, because he was at a Charleston Spencer’s Gifts retailer purchasing a hat.

4 comments:

Queer as Folks said...

damn, that was funny...man where do I get me one of those boobie hats!!! and if I wanted to run for public office how do I retain cuepolitk, LLC. I tried to hire viewpolitik, LLC...you know Will Folks consulting firm...but imaginary firms aren't listed with directory assistance.

Anonymous said...

what a boob ... correction ... what boobs

Anonymous said...

Will, i mean anonymous...is that you writing again.

Anonymous said...

boobie hat...boobie hat...man where can i get me one of those boobie hats? Me thinks probably down at the souvenier stand at the court house where they sell those certified copies of JGA3 domestic violence pleas and his bar suspensions...damn and they let him be a house member (well we do live in south carolina) but seriously...

habberblab made some election predictions and I am going to make mine: will folks descends into the bottle ever so deep, gets married and divorced. has kids and refuses to pay child support. He gets incarcerated for it. He gets old and angry and bitter and elected to the school board and finally when he is like sixty he takes over the seat that had been previously been held by bill cotty in the house.

Damn is his life beginning to mirror John Graham Altmans...remember that JGA was also the press secretary to a "reformist" governor!